Can't Sleep

Very strange to be here in the midst of another earthquake. To hear the sirens and be watching the news. Seeing the same clips replayed. Tsunami, fires, interiors of offices shaking. For the past 5 hours I have been reviewing my footage, trying to cut it in final cut and then i-movie and then final cut again. Cursing my software. Annoyed that it's not done already. This -- when the tapes I took of an earthquake 16 years ago are still sitting in my desk drawer at home, waiting to be digitized.

To just be in this moment right now is difficult for me, I am finding. I am trying to see around it. I'm trying to categorize it. The events today. I imagine how it must look from the outside and remember that same feeling -- when I was here before. My Mom telling me how people kept stopping by (when people used to stop by) asking if I was OK. 16 years ago -- I had one phone call which disseminated the info (the phone call that got through to my Mother on the morning of the earthquake). Now -- I have email. Facebook. Twitter. This blog. It's too much, right? I should be writing a letter right now. Said Mrs. Shouldinski.

When I came home from work last night, I ran into the delivery guy. He had the box from Seattle, which contained the shawl Anne knit for me, and her card, with her handwriting. My sister's handwriting is elegant, intelligent, and kind. It has a spontaneity that, considering the consistency of her curves and arcs, is surprising and impressive. The shawl, she explained, was knit in intervals of three stitches, which is supposed to have meditative power. It is a prayer shawl that was by her side, stitch by stitch, for most of her pregnancy with Rowan. The color is a dark teal -- appearing to be black in low light, but when the light hits it -- it becomes a rich and deep palate. I wore it today and it was just in time for the earthquake. I have been touching the stitches and pulling it close to me.

Will remember to put sneakers next to my bed and jeans. Also a quick bag to pack by the door tonight. Need to buy more minutes for my cell phone. Then again -- if I really need to place a phone call -- I believe I will find a way.